August 7th, 2003

spell

Swami Beyondananda's Guidelines For Enlightenment

1. Be a FUNdamentalist. Make sure that the fun always comes before the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled, a laugh track has been provided, and the reason we are put in the material world is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day which will insure regularhilarity.

2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift just for entering ~ so you are already a winner!

3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is tell-a-vision. That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, we can change the channel.

4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop. And no matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of course God loves you ~ He's just not ready to make a commitment.

5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called "truth decay". So be sure to use mental floss twice a day.

6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way, there will surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, and pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.

7. I know great Earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a fault, don't dwell on it.

8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it again.

9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is, there is no key to the universe. The good news is, it has been left unlocked.

10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That way, if you don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. So you don't have to go through channels.

Then to Silvia let us sing
That Silvia is excelling.
She excels each mortal thing
Upon the dull earth dwelling

-William Shakespeare (1564-1616), English dramatist, poet. Proteus, in The Two Gentlemen of Verona, act 4, sc. 2 Proteus, singing outside Silvia's chamber, was attempting to woo her ostensibly on behalf of Thurio, actually for himself.