the septenary (diapholom) wrote,
the septenary
diapholom

tapenade

\


Domino's Chicken Alfredo Bowl
Grade: D-

We are grateful in a way that
 we ordered this bowl, as it
 led to a period of unexpected
introspection.
Where in our
 lives, we asked ourselves,
 or perhaps in some past life,
 did we commit offenses
 against humanity so grave
 that we were now being
 made to consume this?
 We'll give the consistency of
 the central, gummed-together
 pasta glob the benefit of the
 doubt as it may have suffered
 during transit, but did the journey
 also cause an entire shaker of garlic
 powder to upend over the sauce? It sure
 tasted that way even after the tenth time
 we brushed our teeth later that afternoon.
 There's a small mercy found in the outer ring
 of pleasantly puffy crust, but it just gets more
 wicked the further in you dare to tread.






Burger King's Enormous Omelet
Grade: B

While some might see this
 as the King's paean to the
 workin' man in need of fuel
 for his arduous day at the
 slate quarry, we think it's
 basically a big, bacony bird
 flipped in the direction of the
soy latte crowd.
This is an unapologetically
 appalling sandwich, with the physical density
 of an Oxford English Dictionary soaked in pig
 drippings, and a calorie count sufficient to
 sustain an Olsen twin well into the next decade.

And holy heck, is it grossly, cheesily,
 saltily, porkily delicious. Or, at least
 so seemed the two or three bites we wolfed
 down before curling up under our desk in a grease coma.
 

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