We are grateful in a way that
we ordered this bowl, as it
led to a period of unexpected
introspection. Where in our
lives, we asked ourselves,
or perhaps in some past life,
did we commit offenses
against humanity so grave
that we were now being
made to consume this?
We'll give the consistency of
the central, gummed-together
pasta glob the benefit of the
doubt as it may have suffered
during transit, but did the journey
also cause an entire shaker of garlic
powder to upend over the sauce? It sure
tasted that way even after the tenth time
we brushed our teeth later that afternoon.
There's a small mercy found in the outer ring
of pleasantly puffy crust, but it just gets more
wicked the further in you dare to tread.
Burger King's Enormous Omelet
While some might see this
as the King's paean to the
workin' man in need of fuel
for his arduous day at the
slate quarry, we think it's
basically a big, bacony bird
flipped in the direction of the
soy latte crowd. This is an unapologetically
appalling sandwich, with the physical density
of an Oxford English Dictionary soaked in pig
drippings, and a calorie count sufficient to
sustain an Olsen twin well into the next decade.
And holy heck, is it grossly, cheesily,
saltily, porkily delicious. Or, at least
so seemed the two or three bites we wolfed
down before curling up under our desk in a grease coma.